Spotify & Tinder Team Up: Here's What Your #TinderAnthem Should Be

Worried your music taste isn't good enough to get you laid? We've got you covered.

  • You might remember last year's hit sketch video about Uber crossing over with Tinder. Mashing up popular thing 1 with popular thing 2 is one of the most sure-fire keys to success in this attention-deficient world, especially if one of the popular things is all about sex, sex, sex, baby! I personally have desperately tried to get these apps made: Tinder but for rap freestyles and beats; Tinder but for foster pets and good homes; Tinder but for people who are attracted to me.

    That's what makes this week's news that Spotify and Tinder are crossing over so very appealing. According to the official Spotify blog, Tinder users can now link their Spotify accounts to their Tinders and match with other users based on their music preferences. Until recently, Tinder only suggested matches based on "swiping preferences, mutual friends, and common interests", and had to actually read each other's profiles to find out what music they like. (Ew.) Now, Tinder users can see the top Spotify artists potential matches are listening to.

    The feature that's getting the most attention online, though, is the "Tinder Anthem" feature. Reminiscent of how MySpace pages used to autoplay their owners' favorite Fall Out Boy tracks, Tinder users (with or without a Spotify account) can now pick a single song out of Spotify's massive catalog to be their personal theme song.

    This is way too much pressure to put on anyone. With over 30 million songs available on the service, how can you choose just one?

    That's where we come in. Here's the definitive guide to which song you should make your #TinderAnthem. We decided to base it on personality type, rather than gender or sexual preference, because we're progressive as hell.

  • If you're looking for a cute hipster-type

    The only logical choice is "All Star," by Smash Mouth. Picking "All Star" is never not funny. If you want a cute hipster-type to find you irresistible, you'd better show off your excellent sense of humor. There's no song funnier than "All Star," because it is bad, and liking things that are bad is funny to hipsters.

  • If you're looking for someone over 30

    Again, we're going to have to go with "All Star" by Smash Mouth. Everyone over 30 fondly remembers "All Star," because Shrek was the last major blockbuster aimed at kids and teens before 9/11 came and ended everyone's innocence. Shrek and "All Star" could never have been made in the years after 9/11 — they're too sweet and cheery. People over 30 all know this, and by making "All Star" your #TinderAnthem, you'll remind them of better times.

  • If you're looking for someone mysterious, tall, dark, and handsome

    "All Star" is the only song that can bring this person out of their shell and message you first. Those smoky, sexy, "I-don't-own-a-TV" types stopped paying attention to pop culture in 2001 and the only non-jazz song they recognize is "All Star." You'll finally get to see their Mona Lisa smile!

  • If you're looking for someone down-to-earth you can watch sports with

    The important thing here is to seem non-threatening and laid-back. Nothing shouts "APPROACHABLE!" quite like "All Star." When in doubt, pick a song with over 100 million plays on Spotify. "All Star" clears that bar — that bar being the sports bar you'll take your down-to-earth date to.

  • If you're on Tinder because you're looking for a fellow psychopath to murder-suicide with

    Everyone else is picking "All Star," and as we all know, hearing "All Star" more than twice in a row will make anyone snap. There's only one way to fulfill your death wish, and it's by picking "All Star." Maybe your perfect match will snap on YOU!

  • Happy swiping everyone!

    What do you think? Are you going to pick a #TinderAnthem, or do you find this whole concept irritating? Let us know in the comments below or at @WhatsTrending on Twitter!

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