Donald Trump Talks About His Penis at GOP Debate

Behold, the current state of the noble Republican Party – a couple of bros making dick jokes and taunting each other on the playground.

Last week, Marco Rubio decided to up his game against Donald Trump’s insults about his masculinity and claimed at a rally that Trump’s hands are too small for his body – “and you know what they say about guys with small hands,” he added. (Hurr durr.) He also jeered that Trump was having a “meltdown” during the previous debate and needed a full-length mirror – “Maybe his pants were wet, I dunno.” Because he might have peed himself, you see, because he’s a little tiny-dicked boy.

Nobody was expecting Trump to let that one go unanswered – but we kind of weren’t ready for Trump to literally start talking about his penis at a presidential debate on national television.

“Look at those hands, are they small hands?” he demanded at the last debate, holding them up (not in surrender, sadly). “And he referred to my hands – if they’re small, something else must be small. I guarantee you there’s no problem, I guarantee.”

I didn’t see this moment in real time, but I did see everyone in my Twitter feed involuntarily imagining Donald Trump’s penis, recoiling in horror and despairing for the future of our nation’s democracy.

There was also that matter of the white glob of god-knows-what that was dancing around on Ted Cruz’s lips for part of the debate, which I can’t even think about right now.

Eight more months until the general election, folks.