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Every Crazy Thing Ted Cruz Promised in his Super Tuesday 3 Non-Victory Speech

At least he’s not Trump?

  • Source: www.youtube.com / Via: www.youtube.com

  • Like many Hollywood sequels, Super Tuesday 3 was more of the same. Most of the characters you’ve come to know and love in Super Tuesday and Super Tuesday 2 were present for part three. However, there’s at least one who won’t be returning for the fourth chapter. #SpoilerAlert.

    Hillary Clinton pulled off the clean sweep winning Florida, North Carolina, and Ohio, with Illinois and Missouri being photo finishes with Bernie Sanders. Donald Trump went four for five with Ohio Governor John Kasich locking up his home state.

    This time around, it was Marco Rubio’s turn to throw in the towel on his quest for the Republican nomination. The Florida voters who elected him to the senate in 2010 decisively shifted their allegiance over to Trump.

    The biggest plot twist of the night though belonged to Ted Cruz. At an early evening rally at his Houston campaign headquarters, the Canadian-born Texan was brought to the podium by Carly Fiorina (remember her?) and delivered a speech full of so much swagger and bravado that you’d never know he failed to capture a single state. Cruz’s best effort of the night was a narrow defeat in Missouri. He was soundly beaten everywhere else.

    Once the applause ended, Cruz wasted no time in his attempt to rewrite tonight’s outcome and launched a flurry of of presidential promises.

  • Cruz
  • Ted Cruz will turn around the misery of the Obama/Clinton economy. (Somehow, he seemingly forgot the eight years of Bush between Clinton and Obama.)

    Ted Cruz will repeal every. single. word. of Obamacare.

    Ted Cruz will pass a simple flat tax and abolish the IRS. (According to Wikipedia, the IRS has 89,500 employees.)

    Ted Cruz will rein in the EPA and government regulators that are killing small businesses.

    Ted Cruz will stop amnesty, secure the borders, and stop welfare benefits to illegal residents.

    Ted Cruz will create millions upon millions of high paying jobs and rising rages. Students will come out of school with two, three, four, FIVE job opportunities.

    Ted Cruz will make Washington less relevant in all our lives.

    Ted Cruz will fire government regulators and repeal job killing regulations. (Ted Cruz likes to fire people and repeat himself.)

    Ted Cruz will take the boot of the federal government off the back of the necks of small businesses.

    Ted Cruz will not compromise away your religious liberty. (As long as you believe in the right god.)

    Ted Cruz will not compromise away your Second Amendment right to keep and bear arms.

    Ted Cruz will appoint justices who will be faithful to the law and ferociously protect the Bill of Rights for your children and his.

    Ted Cruz will not be neutral. He will stand unapologetically with the nation of Israel.

    Ted Cruz will rip the Iranian nuclear deal to shreds on his very first day in office.

    Ted Cruz will use the TRILLIONS in new government revenue to rebuild the military. (The United States Navy has 10 aircraft carriers in service. The entire rest of the world also has 10.)

    Despite a Super Tuesday 3 that ended in defeat and hot air, Ted Cruz was victorious in one realm. Unlike his last debate appearance, no mysterious objects fell from his mouth.

  • Source: twitter.com / Via: twitter.com

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