Trump’s Sexism Got You Down? This Dating Site Could Be Your Ticket to Canada

Start your search for a man who’s kind, respectful, and willing to escort you through Canadian immigration.

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  • The Donald Trump headlines are really going to the next level when it comes to sexism towards women.

    Just yesterday we found out from the Washington Post that Trump had this bizarre habit in the 1990s of calling up reporters pretending to be his own publicist, just so that he could make outlandish claims about his sex life.

    “Actresses just call to see if they can go out with him and things,” bragged “John Miller” to reporter Sue Carswell from People Magazine. Also Madonna wanted to go out with him, and so did Kim Basinger, and future first lady of France Carla Bruni dumped Mick Jagger for him while he was living with model Marla Maples, not to mention the “three other girlfriends” he had on the side.

    According to Trump. I mean Miller.

    Now this morning we’re treated to a lengthy New York Times article about his gross behavior towards women, from making a female party guest change into a bikini so he could parade her around, to publicly shaming women when they gained weight, to my personal favorite: lining up Miss USA contestants in skimpy outfits so he could personally choose his favorites, and even kissing a startled Miss Utah on the mouth a couple of times, as if the contestants were toys for him to play with.

    Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew.

    If all this news has you despairing for the future of America and also giving up dating altogether, because seriously ew, an entrepreneur from Texas may have come up with perfect solution.

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  • Joe Goldman has launched “Maple Match,” a website that will pair Trump-hating Americans with a nice Canadian partner, so they can flee across the border in the unthinkable event that Trump is elected president.

    “Make dating great again,” the site declares, as a hipster couple in plaid flannel gazes across the magnificent Trump-free forests of Canada.

    Goldman told NBC News that he launched the site a week ago after a bunch of his liberal friends in Austin threatened to flee up north, and 13,000 people have already signed up.

    “The response has been tremendous. I’m getting people from all over, but the strongest responses have been from Seattle and New York City. Our first inquiries came from Billings, Montana.”

    There have been no successful matches yet, and Americans would still need to apply through immigration; but if the worst happens, at least there’s a chance some of us will get a date out of it.

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