An Idiot’s Guide to the NFL’s Week 15

Upsets were king of the NFL in week 15. Seemingly, on every channel favorites were losing left and right. Whether in the final seconds, or in blowout fashion, underdogs reigned supreme.

But, in the event you are a successful business-person or an international spy and did not watch every single second of every single game in your pajamas while eating Ramen noodles like me, here are two sentence recaps of the week’s most upsetting games.

Kansas City 19, Green Bay 14 F

In the year’s biggest upset, the Packers and Aaron Rodgers were stymied by a surprise Chiefs ‘D’ and the strongest performance by Kyle Orton to date.

Sentence to use with your friends to make it seem like you somehow caught the game: “I think the way Orton played, on third downs and play action–especially, exposed some holes in that Green Bay secondary.”

Indianapolis 27, Tennessee 13 F

The Titans not only turned the ball over enough (3 times) to lose the game to a winless Colts team, led by Ronnie Brown’s 161 yards and 1 TD, they also dealt a serious blow to their own playoff hopes.

Sentence to use with your friends to make it seem like you somehow caught the game: “I’d like to believe the Colts rose-up and finally won a game, but, in reality, the Titans were bad enough to flat out lose that game.”

Washington 23, New York (Giants) 10 F

Rex Grossman and the Redskins looked much more like a playoff team than the Giants, as they steam-rolled New York and potentially the Giants’ playoff hopes on Sunday.

Sentence to use with your friends to make it seem like you somehow caught the game: “Eli was flat, the defense was porous, and their energy level was pathetic–the Giants just looked terrible.”

Carolina 28, Houston 13 F

The Panthers defense finally put a legitimate effort together as the team and Cam Newton made the playoff-bound Texans look sluggish on Sunday afternoon.

Sentence to use with your friends to make it seem like you somehow caught the game: (referring to a Carolina trick-play TD in the 3rd quarter) “So, I believe Newton just barely brushed the tight-end on the QB’s way to the right, stuffed the ball in his gut and it was just enough to distract the defense.”

San Diego 34, Baltimore 14 F

Through a combination of misdirection-passing and power-running football the Chargers revealed the Ravens’ defense’s fallibility, while activating playoff hopes in San Diego.

Sentence to use with your friends to make it seem like you somehow caught the game: “It just seemed that with the Chargers having two smash-and-dash backs like Tolbert and Matthews, it’s just enough to keep any defense off-rhythm.”