Deranged Florida Woman Goes On A Topless Tirade In McDonald’s

What the world will come to in a zombie apocalypse.
By Bryce Christian
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    With the strength of Sharkeisha, the nerve of Steve-O and the influence of some serious substances (bath salts?), this Florida woman went H.A.M. inside a St. Petersburg, FL McDonald’s. She literally destroyed everything in sight, leaving a long wake of “victims.”

    First victim: herself. Before leaping the counter, the madness began with a fit of self-punishment: a few slaps to the head before smashing her face on the counter.

    Second victim: cash registers. Ain’t nobody got time to pay.

    Third victim: the refrigerator. Maybe they didn’t have pressed kale juice, or maybe it wasn’t kept at the Florida Department of Health mandated 41 degrees Fahrenheit, but whatever the offense was, she was NOT having it.

    Fourth victim: unidentified rack. Why are you even here? Get on the floor. Overturned.

    After a lengthy workout, this woman needed a break. When you’re topless, in a thong in a ravished McDonald’s, the only sensible thing to is to shove your face under the soft serve machine and enjoy some ice cream. And enjoy she did. She took a cool moment to pose, hand on hip, reveling in her night’s accomplishment before–OMG! They have ice cream cones! No need to eat ice cream like an animal. That would be ludicrous.

    But before I exit, Imma need some fries with that.

    God bless Florida.