Living With a Pet Raptor

Ever since “Jurassic World,” everybody wants a pet velociraptor. Not only do raptors NOT rip out your intestines and eat you while you’re still alive anymore, now they’ll be your lifelong best friends who run with you in a pack as you ride your motorcycle through the jungle like a badass. We’ve apparently decided they’re like Golden Retrievers, but awesomer.

Well, we’re wrong. Raptors are not like dogs. They’re like cats — super clever, fond of playing with their food before they kill it, way cooler than you and only really putting up with you because you feed them, and probably secretly plotting your death.

This video from new YouTube channel “We Have a Dinosaur” sums it up perfectly. Assuming you could convince your pet raptor not to eat you, it would be knocking things off counters, knowing perfectly well it’s not supposed to do that, but doing it anyway just to be obnoxious. Stupid jerk velociraptor. (Please don’t eat me.)