Trump Allegedly Worked With Russia, Payed People To Pee

A report was released claiming the President elect allegedly has been working with the Russian government for years and, most bizzarely, paid prostitutes to pee on a bed Obama slept on.
By Alex Firer
  • So, the president elect may have committed treason and hires people to pee on stuff. I mean, allegedly hires people to pee on stuff. This is all in a document published by Buzzfeed from an anonymous intelligence source. We’ve long known that the Russians have hacked both the DNC and the RNC, with experts claiming that the Russians were keeping that information quiet in order to be able to control Donald Trump, lest he upsets them.

    Is upsets the right word? Is there another word I was thinking of… I’m sure I’ll think of the right one later.

    Anywho, Buzzfeed leaked an American report about what the Russians have about the president elect and it is BAD. Trump has been in touch with the Russian government for years, and his involvement in the election tampering may be deeper than we originally thought.

    Also, guys. Are you sitting down? Are you ready for your brain to be fried with mad sentences which should be from another dimension but are from our own? Here it is. Here is a sentence from the memos which hey, you can read here.

    Anyway, here we go!

  • Oh yeah! Trump pissed them off! That’s the word I was looking for! Now look, for the longest time the public has ignored Trump’s obvious and deep rooted ties to Russia, how they aided his campaign at every turn even before it’s begun, and if this is what it takes then my goodness. Let’s go for it.

    And let’s not forget, if this story is true, it started with a man getting mad at a bed. This was a private citizen who thought the president was his archnemesis. This is nothing but insanity.

    And to top it all off, this is like a combination of Watergate and Lewinsky. But if he did this, he combined them and somehow made them both grosser! Leave it to Trump to even make a scandal tackier than it could be.

    Here’s what very good people on Twitter had to say about this.

  • Well, I don’t know where this story is going to go next. But so far so good! The PEOTUS himself has responded calling it fake news below. Which like– it’s not news. It’s an intelligence report. But whatever. The man loves to Tweet.

  • I’m sure you have thoughts on this. Let us know in the comments or on Twitter at @WhatsTrending.