LAX Introduces First Smart Bathrooms

Look, we all know about smart phones and smart cars, but what is there for me, a man who hates using public restrooms, but loves to write about high tech restroom technology? You know, the man on the street! Well, Los Angeles International Airport (LAX) has announced that they are adopting smart bathroom technology. What is smart bathroom technology you may ask? Well — in order to avoid the awkwardness of someone trying to walk in on you while you’re using a stall — a light above shines either red or green to let the people know whether or not the stall is in use. The light will be red if it’s unavailable, and green if it is. These lights, my friends? These lights are called Tooshlights. You know, because your tush is on the toilet. It’s complex, people.

The smart toilets also measure how long you’ve been using it, which is apparently done in order to measure whether or not all these toilets are meeting demand, but also sounds insane and terrible. That’s the only thing advertisers don’t know about me — how long I poop. I don’t want to turn on my phone and start getting ads for laxatives! I am not a number. Sorry Mark Zuckerberg and sorry big business owners, but I am here to do two things — create beauty and kindness in the world, and occasionally poop. I will not sit by and have these things commodified!

What do you think of smart toilets? Are they more like… dumb toilets? Let us know in the comments or on Twitter at @WhatsTrending.