Three things are true in this world we live in in the ridiculous year of 2018 — Michael Cohen, Trump’s ex-lawyer, is a goofy as hell clown, Donald Trump is a lawsuit happy buffoon, and The Onion is absolutely on the ball when it comes to making fun of the former two. You see, in 2013, when Donald Trump was at the peak of his birther racist mania, The Onion ran an editorial titled, “When You’re Feeling Low, Just Remember I’ll Be Dead In About 15 Or 20 Years”. Well, Michael Cohen wrote in an e-mail to The Onion about it, claiming that The Onion was trying to besmirch the good name of Donald Trump by pretending he wrote this thing! The e-mail is below in full!
The Onion now wants to meet with Cohen, what with the comedic potential of a big idiot who’s about to bring down the president by being a big idiot. For some context, Cohen sent the e-mail in 2013, which means Trump might have seen it, been tricked easily by The Onion and not understood it was a joke (but hopefully understood how much everyone despised him even then) and sent Cohen to take care of it. Their article in full can be read here, and has this choice quote —
“As Mr. Trump is now the leader of the free world, now is clearly the best time to resume our discussion. While it is generally not our policy to let outside forces affect our editorial decisions, the opportunity to gain a direct line to the president clearly presents a special case. We would be more than willing to accommodate Mr. Cohen’s wishes—provided we get something in return, of course. A quid pro quo, if you will.
We believe the removal of the piece in exchange for influence over the president’s decision-making constitutes a more than reasonable deal, and we implore Mr. Cohen to meet with us without delay. We are happy to schedule around his upcoming court appearances.
Mr. Cohen, in trying to reach you, we have called both phone numbers you provided us and even sent a courier to your New York offices. After receiving no reply, we can only assume you are trying to stonewall us. We are growing concerned that you have remained silent because you have been building a rock-solid case against us for the last five years, and in fact shudder to even imagine the detailed, thorough, and likely damning charges you would bring forward. But it does not have to be this way.
What do you think? Are we about to see an Area Man in Congress? Let us know in the comments or on Twitter at @WhatsTrending.