Mario is a genocidal, racist maniac

  • We tend to think of Mario as working-class knight willing to storm any castle or cloud to save his darling princess from the clutches of the evil Bowser, but really Mario was a homicidal maniac who left thousands of corpses in his wake. From crushing animals’ spines when he jumped on them to setting them on fire to be burned alive, Mario’s love of Princess was only surpassed by his blood lust.

  • Simon Owens is a journalist living in Washington, DC. You can follow him on Twitter, Facebook, or Google+. Email him at [email protected]