#TedCruzSexScandal: The Mental Image Nobody Needed
If the National Enquirer is to be believed, at least five women were willing to have sexual affairs with Ted Cruz. I’m just going to let that image sink in for a second.
This is the National Enquirer, notorious trashy tabloid we’re talking about here – but on the other hand, they were right about Democrat John Edwards’ dirty affair, so I guess you never know.
In an article bellowing “A HOOKER, A TEACHER & COWORKERS: 5 romps that will destroy Ted Cruz!” the Enquirer claims that the vehemently conservative, “family values” candidate has been unfaithful to his wife on numerous occasions. This claim comes right after Donald Trump took shots at Cruz’s wife on Twitter and threatened to “spill the beans” about her, and Trump is famously good friends with the Enquirer’s owner, so a popular theory is that this is a smear campaign from Trump and his cronies. That’s certainly what Cruz is saying at the moment.
Meanwhile, over at the Bernie for President campaign, little songbirds are alighting on his podium as he smiles benevolently at them, because he’s a goddamn Disney princess, apparently.
Go home, election season, you’re drunk.