10 New Academy Awards Categories We’d Like to See!
Sure, a lot of talented actors, writers, directors and other filmmaking professionals were “snubbed” by the 2015 Academy Award nominations. But we think there were some CATEGORY SNUBS as well! Here are the best ideas for Oscar categories we could come up with, along with picks for who should have been nominated and won!
MVA (MOST VALUABLE ACTOR/ACTRESS)
This is an overall award for the actor or actress who improved the most movies with their presence in the past year.
And the Made-Up Oscar goes to… TILDA SWINTON
Swinton kicked ass in not one, not two but THREE supporting roles in 2014, and all of them were in terrific movies. There’s very little commonality between elderly heirness Madame Céline Villeneuve “Madame D” Desgoffe und Taxis from “The Grand Budapest Hotel,” esoteric vampire Eve from “Only Lovers Left Alive” and the heartless taskmaster Mason from “Snowpiercer,” but Swinton disappears into all three roles.
– David Oyelowo (“Selma,” “A Most Violent Year,” “Interstellar”)
– Chris Pratt (“The LEGO Movie,” “Guardians of the Galaxy”)
– Phillip Seymour Hoffman (“God’s Pocket,” “A Most Wanted Man,” “The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part 1”) (RIP)
– Emma Stone (“Birdman,” “The Amazing Spider-Man 2,” “Magic in the Moonlight”)
BEST REBOOTED CHARACTER
Every year now, Hollywood tries to reboot or reimagine classic beloved film characters of the past. This category honors those rare occasions when the new versions get it right.
And the Made-Up Oscar goes to… GODZILLA
OK, OK, Gareth Edwards latest reimagining of the city-stomping King of the Lizards was maybe not perfect, and Godzilla only really shows up for the epic final showdown. BUT WHAT A FINAL SHOWDOWN IT IS! That one 10 minute action sequence kicks the ass of not only the entire previous US Godzilla reboot (the less said about that one the better), but almost every other action movie released last year.
– The Equalizer
MOST POORLY REBOOTED CHARACTER
Of course, more of these reboots go awry than swimmingly. Here’s our pick for the most unfortunate attempt to revive interest in a franchise gone by.
And the Made-Up Oscar goes to… JACK RYAN
This actually happened? I’m pretty sure I saw this movie but it’s all kind of fuzzy. Basically, if you wanted to completely forget why Jack Ryan was ever a viable, cool character to build a spy movie franchise around, Kenneth Branagh’s adaptation is a good starting place.
This is widely considered to be the worst Jack Ryan adventure ever, and that’s a category that includes “The Sum of All Fears,” gang. Ouch.
– The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
THE ATTENDANCE AWARD
This honors the hardest-working people in show business. The ones who, good or bad, just made the MOST movies in the previous year.
And the Made-Up Oscar goes to… KEVIN HART
Hart made 5 MOVIES that were released in 2014. And these are not, like, tiny indies that he shot in a weekend, or small supporting parts. These are featured roles! In 5 movies! Mainstream movies that came out in theaters! Like “Ride Along,” “About Last Night,” “Think Like a Man Too,” “School Dance” and “Top Five!” (Plus “The Wedding Ringer” opened like 2 weeks into 2015, so that almost should count.)
When does he take potty breaks?
There are no other nominees in this category because Kevin Hart did all their jobs as well.
THE SHAWSHANK AWARD
This award honors movies that not a ton of people saw but everyone will pretend to have loved in 2014 when it becomes fashionable to like them a few years from now.
It is named in honor of a little 1994 prison drama that was largely uncelebrated upon its initial release but later became everyone on the planet’s favorite movie. Until “Guardians of the Galaxy” came out.
And the Made-Up Oscar goes to… DEAR WHITE PEOPLE
Justin Simien’s canny college-set satire was a huge festival hit, but flew mostly under the radar among mainstream audiences this year. That’s likely to change once leads Tyler James Williams, Tessa Thompson and Teyonah Parris start popping up in more movies and Simien gets a few more directing jobs.
He’s tentatively attached to direct the comedy “Make a Wish,” starring Anthony Mackie as a football player tasked with getting a dying 14-year-old laid. See what I mean?
– “Obvious Child”
– “The Skeleton Twins”
– “The Guest”
CATCHPHRASE OF THE YEAR
You’re telling me that, after 87 years of Academy Awards, we still can’t get a category that honors hilarious catchphrases? Fun bits of dialogue that people can quote endlessly to their co-workers after seeing movies are, like, in the Top 3 things Americans like most about movies (along with “occasional gratuitous nudity” and “an excuse to gorge on popcorn.”)
And the Made-Up Oscar goes to… GROOT
If there was one phrase that more people endlessly repeated to coworkers until the words themselves lost all meaning more than any other in 2014, it was Vin Diesel’s iconic 3-word salutation. Groot immediately joined Hodor in the ranks of “pop culture characters who everyone loves even though they can’t say anything other than their name.” It’s a pretty exclusive group.
– “Not my tempo” from “Whiplash”
– “Hail Hydra!” from “Captain America 2: Winter Soldier”
– “SPACESHIP!” from “The LEGO Movie”
– “Moto panacaku!” from “Inherent Vice”
CREEPIEST HORROR MOVIE
Horror movies almost NEVER do well at the Oscars, where a really good cat-jumping-out-at-you scare doesn’t count quite as much as social relevance or wrenching emotional climaxes. For some stupid reason. This category honors the best, scariest, most unsettling movies released in the previous year.
And the Made-Up Oscar goes to… THE BABADOOK
Aussie debut filmmaker Jennifer Kent nailed this low-key, pitch-black twist on the classic Boogeyman legend. It’s not only clever and compelling, with a sharply-drawn and sympathetic pair of lead characters, but actually pretty terrifying, particularly once the mythical Babadook is prepared to show himself.
And there’s NO FOUND FOOTAGE anywhere in the entire movie! Hallelujah! It’s a Halloween miracle!
– “Starry Eyes”
– “The Purge: Anarchy”
– “A Brony Tale” (ha ha! see what I did there!)
ACTUALLY TOLERABLE ADAPTATION OF A Y.A. NOVEL
SO MANY adaptations of young adult novels come out each year, and most of them are… not super-tolerable. So this category honors those rare stories that survive the move to the big screen.
And the Made-Up Oscar goes to… THE FAULT IN OUR STARS
No real surprise here. The movie version of John Green’s best-selling heartbreaker won over audiences everywhere, particularly Shailene Woodley’s turn as self-described “grenade” Hazel Grace Lancaster. The film was such a win, screenwriters Scott Neustadter and Michael H. Weber are already hard on work on the script for another John Green adaptation, “Paper Towns.” Look for it in theaters later this year.
THE HIPSTER AWARD
This category honors the film that your snootiest movie buff friend is pretending to have liked best in 2014. (NOTE: These aren’t necessarily BAD movies. I like a lot of them a lot! They’re just also the movies that your geekiest, most arrogant movie nerd friends will bring up any time you get into a Best Movies of 2014 conversation.)
And the Made-Up Oscar goes to… UNDER THE SKIN
Jonathan Glazer’s surreal sci-fi headtrip is actually my favorite movie of 2014. That’s right, I’m a total hypocrite!
But its often ambiguous narrative, repetitiveness and general air of creepy surreality turned off a lot of mainstream crowds, and alerted film nerds that praising it could theoretically make them seem smarter. So here it stays. I’m tough but fair.
– “Force Majeure”
– “Goodbye to Language”
– “A Most Violent Year”
– “Two Days, One Night”
MOST REPETITIVE USE OF THE PHRASE “INTO THE WOODS”
I hate to leave. Into the Woods. I have to go. Into the Woods. Into the Woods. To grandmother’s house. Into the Woods. Into the Woods. Into the Woods. To grandmother’s house. Into the Woods we go!
And the Made-Up Oscar goes to… INTO THE WOODS
Into the Woods. Into the Woods. Into the Woods. Into the Woods. Into the Woods. To grandmother’s house. Into the Woods we go!