Instant Reaction to the “Rogue One: A Star Wars Story” Teaser

If there’s one thing we should know by now it’s that the Star Wars team is full of surprises.

Early last night, a 10 second teaser was dropped (showing exactly one second of actual footage) to let Star Wars fans know they should clear their AM schedules. The first real look at Rogue One: A Star Wars Story would be unveiled the following morning during Good Morning America.

Well good morning to Star Wars fans around globe — the Rogue One teaser hit Twitter bright and early at 4:40am Lucasfilm time.

When something is this hot, you just can’t wait. And thank The Maker I was too excited to sleep.

Let’s break it down.

Right out of the gate, it’s revealed that Felicity Jones is playing Jyn Erso. As she’s escorted by a Rebel soldier through the hanger of the Rebel base on Yavin 4(!) it’s quickly established that she’s a DGAF bad ass with a criminal streak that would make Han Solo look like a Boy Scout. In other words, she’s exactly the person that the Rebels need to pull a heist of the magnitude they’re looking for.

Inside the base’s command center (it should look familiar from Episode IV), a younger Mon Mothma (!?!) continues rattling off Jyn’s accolades (as Diego Luna’s character looks on) to which Jyn replies “This is a rebellion isn’t it? I rebel.”

And to drive that point home, we see her singlehandedly take down half a dozen classic looking stormtroopers.

Mon Mothma can only shudder and give Jyn an offer she can’t refuse. “We have a mission for you. A major weapons test is imminent and we need to know what it is and how to destroy it.”

As Mon lays out the terms, we see the see the saucer of the Death Star’s superlaser lowered into place.

And if that wasn’t enough, we get glimpse of a younger Grand Moff Tarkin (!?!) cold chilling in the Death Star. And that’s topped by Forest Whitaker showing up with a limp and looking fierce.

The teaser then makes the jump to light speed with a series of quick shots starting with yesterday’s teaser for the teaser: a shot of a Shadow Trooper posted up in front of a burning moisture vaporator. This is a first time we’ve ever seen a Shadow Trooper appear in a Star Wars movie. Going by the world of the “Battlefront” video game, it’s safe to say that Shadow Troopers are the best of the best, as you need to have reached rank 50 to play as one in the game. In other words, these guys might be able to actually hit their targets.

Among the other highlights:

Bloodied and battered Rebel pilots shackled in binders and being led somewhere (probably not good) by stormtroopers.

Jyn, her companion, and a matte grey droid running through an Imperial facility that looks like a subway station.

A staff wielding man (Donnie Yen) surrounded by stormtroopers. By the causal way he walks, it’s clear this will not end well for the stormtroopers. That is quickly confirmed in the next shot.

A giant sized Imperial shuttle explodes on a tropical planet.

Grand Moff Tarkin walks through the smoldering aftermath of a battle on the same planet.

RED ROYAL GUARDS AND EITHER EMPEROR PALPATINE (BUT WHY WOULD HE KNEEL?) OR A HOOD WEARING DARTH VADER! (This is by far the teaser’s biggest tease.)

Forest Whitaker’s character than says “If you continue to fight… what will you become?”

As he says this, we see Jinn and her crew dodging fire from AT-ATs as they sprint across a beach. We close with a shot of Jinn wearing an Imperial uniform that looks to be that of a pilot.

And scene.

While a shroud of mystery was the game plan for The Force Awakens, Rogue One has gone the other way by putting as many cards on the table that you need to know the first standalone Star Wars adventure is going to be worthy of the Star Wars name.

Director Gareth Edwards (Godzilla) has put together a gritty, practical effect laden adventure that instantly looks like an old friend to Star Wars fans. The only people who will be complaining about this teaser are the bros who will be butthurt that a “girl” is the protagonist again.

Other than that pointless blip of false outrage, Rogue One’s first teaser looks so compelling that even the most casual fans (aka those who don’t own a single action figure) should have no trouble sliding in to this addendum to the Star Wars saga that could possibly be the first to not acknowledge the existence of The Force.

As we get closer to the December 16 release date, more details will surely surface; but it’s probably best to accept the likelihood that things will not ultimately end well for Jinn and her crew. We know the Rebels get the plans but the messengers who delivered them to Princess Leia aboard the Tantive IV are never seen.

Speaking of that iconic blockade runner, any bets that the final shot of Rogue One is the opening shot to Episode IV?