De Niro Bars Donald Trump From His Nobu Restaurants

Sorry, Trump! No Nobu for you.

Hey, you. The guy reading this? Are you Donald Trump? Do you like dining in the fine eating establishments owned by star of stage, screen and Taxi Driver, The Godfather Part II, and Bernie Madoff biopic movie star Robert De Niro? Well then, this entry is going to contain some terrible news, Mr. President — Robert De Niro, co-owner of the Nobu line of restaurants and hotels, has banned you from eating at his establishments!

Robert De Niro, you see, owns a chain of restaurants titled “Nobu”, which he owns with his business partner and celebrity chef Nobu Matsuhisa (the pair have been working together for 25 years). Recently, Robert De Niro has announced, however, that Donald Trump is, as far as he’s concerned, not welcome at his sushi chain, saying —

“I don’t care what he likes. If he walked into a restaurant I was in — I’d walk out.”

You hear that, Donald Trump? If you ever stop eating KFC and decide to fill your body with gourmet food, and that gourmet food belongs to Robert De Niro, well, guess what? De Niro don’t want you! De Niro’s partner on the other hand, Nobu Matsuhisa, absolutely dreams of feeding Trump raw fish and rice in roll form, saying —

“It’s my dream for Trump to sit next to Bob. To make them sushi!’

What a terrible dream, sir. But, what roll would Donald Trump want to eat anyway? Can you deep fry sushi? Does sushi come in grilled form? I don’t know if this is the best food for a man with a palette as specific as Trump’s.

Don’t worry, Mr. President. I’m sure somewhere out there is a Wahlburgers just waiting to feed your appetite for food inexplicably owned by a celebrity.


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