Another Angry Birds Trailer. Yes, This Is Still Happening.

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  • Here we are again. Another Angry Birds movie trailer has been released. They haven’t decided to pull the plug and stop this movie yet. This is the world we live in now. Maybe this is the world we’ve always lived in.

    This trailer starts out by introducing the main angry bird. The angriest bird, perhaps. He’s red. Like anger. And gives us a lovely monologue about how nobody gets him, and nobody ever has. Right after that, someone tells him he has an anger problem (which he then demonstrates), so we’re starting off with a great message for young kids: People with anger problems are just misunderstood! That poor kid who goes off shooting up a school probably should have just been, you know, understood better!

    Anyway, then the dancing pigs arrive on a pirate ship, launch our Angriest Bird into the sky, and start stealing everyone’s eggs. And my God, now the other birds are so sad they didn’t listen to Angriest Bird when he tried to warn them that the happy-go-lucky pigs were probably bad news. HAPPY ANIMALS ARE ALWAYS EVIL, KIDS. TRUST NO ONE.

    So the Angriest Bird becomes their leader, devising a plan to go get all the eggs back (surely some would have cracked or hatched or been made into a gourmet omelet by now, right? Why do the pigs want the eggs anyway?), and look, I’m gonna be honest, there’s still a minute and a half left in this trailer and I can’t bring myself to finish it. Surely things that are supposedly funny happen, and there are more excellent lessons to teach children about how anger and saying you’re misunderstood will get you far in life as soon as people just realize you’re right and they’re wrong, and maybe there are even some clues about what this plot is or why this movie exists, but you’re on your own from here on out, guys.

    Angry Birds hits theaters like, sometime at the end of May. I’m sure it says when at the end of the trailer.