Sorry Guys! Stormy Daniels Says That Trump’s Dick Looks Like Toad From Mario Kart

By Alex Firer
Stormy Daniels, in her new book, "Full Disclosure", said that Trump's dick looks like the mushroom toadstool man from Nintendo's Mario Kart... specifically... our man, Toad.

I woke up this morning, ready for a full day of writing trends, when I saw that Mario Kart was trending. Well, as a gaming man myself, I had to find out why this was. And what I got were warnings…

Pshaw, said I. How bad could this Mario Kart story truly be? But as I went further, nay, but more warnings came to me from the ether. Turn back, they said. How could I, said I, for I am far into this journey, and how cursed could this story about Mario Kart actually be?

Then finally, I discovered the reason. And folks. It was. Well. It was a doozy, friends. In her upcoming book, “Full Discolure”, which comes out October 2nd, Stormy Daniels describes sex with Donald Trump, and has a few choice words to say about his penis. As quoted by “The Guardian”:

“He knows he has an unusual penis. It has a huge mushroom head. Like a toadstool… I lay there, annoyed that I was getting fucked by a guy with Yeti pubes and a dick like the mushroom character in Mario Kart… It may have been the least impressive sex I’d ever had, but clearly, he didn’t share that opinion.”

The mushroom character. In Mario Kart. Of course, Stormy Daniels means Toad, and we can’t help but feel bad for poor gentle Toad. Mario’s dear friend, consort to Peach, now having to be associated with the President’s weird big headed dick. I knew this would all end in tears, but did anyone listen? Nooo…

Also, specifically Toad from Mario Kart? Not say, Toad from the Mario franchise proper, or even from the Toad starring game, Captain Toad’s Treasure Tracker? Specifically Mario Kart? Stormy! Do you think Toad is ONLY from Mario Kart!? Pshaw, say I!

Well, now we know what Trump’s dick looks like. You think at his age it would look more like Toadsworth, am I right?

Anyway, let’s see what the forever thinkers of Twitter had to say.

Well, what do you think of this awful story? Sorry for putting it in your head! I bet Trump’s dick looks like Mario… yeah, pre mushroom Mario! Eyyyy! Anyway, let us know in the comments or on Twitter at @WhatsTrending.