It seems like only yesterday that we were talking about Burger King’s Mac ‘n’ Cheetos, an unholy creation of macaroni, cheese, and Cheetos crumbs. Burger King and Cheetos are not content to gross us out just once, no sir. They’re back for round two, and no one is safe.
This week, Burger King and Cheetos launched their latest abomination: the Cheetos Chicken Fries. Their slogan? “Chicken inside, dangerously cheesy outside.” Weird, I thought we were talking about food, not DONALD TRUMP! (If you didn’t spontaneously applaud at that joke you’re dead to me.)
The fast food mega-chain announced the new menu item on their YouTube channel with these two clips:
That’s a lot of production value for something that’s designed to be consumed by people so drunk they’ll only buy food that tastes the same going down as coming up. Will Cheetos Chicken Fries kill you? Probably not — their reported nutrition facts aren’t that bad, outside of an astonishingly high sodium content. But they’ll certainly make you wish you were dead.
Story time. Back around 2006, 2007, I bought the trendy disgusting fast food item of the moment: a KFC Famous Bowl. You know, the mishmash of ingredients made famous by this Patton Oswalt routine:
I thought it would be fun to try it, just once. I was wrong. The overwhelming sense of disgust and shame I felt that day has never entirely faded. Gross fast food is the same as anything degrading, like crystal meth or a gloryhole: once that stain is on your soul, you can’t just OxiClean it outta there.
Don’t let curiosity get the better of you. Don’t do this to yourself. Don’t buy mechanically separated chicken covered in Cheetos dust.
What do you think? Are you going to order Cheetos Chicken Fries anyway? Let us know in the comments below or @WhatsTrending on Twitter!