REPORT: Trump Asked Comey to Investigate Reality of Pee Tape, Probably Got Peed On

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  • Peetape wt
  • The rumor of a supposed “pee tape” has been a tiny ray of hope in the hearts of everyone thoroughly annoyed at this presidency — the idea that somewhere, out there, there is footage of Donald Trump hiring prostitutes to pee everywhere. The original concept of the pee tape came from the “Steele Dossier” — Buzzfeed leaked a document which had in it a lot of salacious details about Donald Trump’s campaign.

    One of the most insane ones was the story of how Putin put Donald Trump into a room Barack Obama slept in, knowing that he couldn’t help to control his hatred, and indeed this was the case when Donald Trump hired two prostitutes to pee all over the bed. The implication was that Donald Trump was being blackmailed with videos of the footage, and hence popular mythology online and beyond was inundated with footage of the “pee tape” — the tape that when exposed would at long last take down the Trump administration (or at least embarrass him quite a bit).

    Well, the myth of the everlasting pee tape has gotten just a little more real when it was revealed in James Comey’s new book that Donald Trump asked him to investigate whether or not it’s real. Gasp! Why would Trump have Comey investigate a tape of something unless it 100% happened? Gasp!

    According to the book, Trump told Comey that he was doing it to reassure Melania (as if there was even a 1% chance the tape exists it would upset her). Of course, then there’s the obvious question, as posed by Comey on an episode of 20/20 set to air on Sunday —

    “I honestly never thought these words would come out of my mouth, but I don’t know whether the current president of the United States was with prostitutes peeing on each other in Moscow in 2013. It’s possible, but I don’t know… I remember thinking, ‘How could your wife think there’s a 1 percent chance you were with prostitutes peeing on each other in Moscow? I’m a flawed human being, but there is literally zero chance that my wife would think that was true.’ So, what kind of marriage to what kind of man does your wife think [that] there’s only a 99 percent chance you didn’t do that?”

    So, for all of you hoping to see the president standing next to a puddle of urine with his allegedly comical looking penis hanging out — folks, your incredibly disgusting dreams are a little bit closer to reality.

    Do you think the pee tape is real? Let us know in the comments or on Twitter at @WhatsTrending.

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