7 Justins Who Are Better Than Justin Bieber
1. Justin Timberlake: Singer, Actor
Pretty obviously, Timberlake is better. I mean, NSYNC? The SOCIAL NETWORK? Not even a comparison, Timberlake is way better.
2. Justin Long: Actor
Oh, how lovable Justin Long is. Our hearts will always be captured by Accepted and Dodgeball. Carry on, better Justin.
3. Justin Verlander: Detroit Tigers Pitcher
Six time All-Star, MVP winner, Cy Young Award winner, Rookie of the Year, AND he pitched two no-hitters? I’d like to see Bieber do THAT.
4. Justin Ryan: Scottish TV personality
Ryan is definitely better than Bieber. He and his co-host (and partner) Collin McAllister are possibly most known for their HGTV show Colin and Justin’s Home Heist. The pair are adorable, and exorbitantly better than their Bieber counterpart.
5. Justin II: Sixth Century Byzantine Emporer
This Justin is WAY better than Bieber. Even though he allowed the Lombards to invade Italy in 568 CE, losing control of much of the state, and while he was plagued by fits of insanity (much like Bieber), he did rule over the entirety of Eastern Rome, which is more than Bieber’s ever done.
6. Justin, My Friend From High School
He was pretty nice when I knew him! We had chemistry or physics or something together? Actually I don’t remember him too well. His last name might have been Roberts? Robinson? Rayburn? Ah, forget it.
7. Justin Smith Morrill: Vermont Senator (1867–1898)
One of the founders of the Republican party, Morrill was no doubt a better man than Bieber can even aspire to be. Morrill is most remembered for sponsoring the Morrill Land-Grant Colleges Act, which helped establish Land-Grant universities in America, such as MIT, Texas A&M, Oklahoma State, and Virginia Tech. Call me when Bieber establishes 76 colleges.