Stephen Colbert Lives in an Underground Bunker Now, Because of the Apocalypse

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  • Yesterday was kind of a weird day. The New York Stock Exchange was completely shut down after a computer glitch halted trading. United Airlines had to ground its fleet after its own computer malfunction. If you’re Stephen Colbert, the signs are clear. The Apocalypse is nigh!

    Speaking from an underground bunker, Colbert lays out all the ways “our worship of technology has midwifed our doom.” With the NYSE halted for hours due to an as-yet-unexplained technical issue, Colbert obviously felt it was time to freak out. “Do you understand that for nearly four hours America’s bankers had no idea how rich they were?” He cries.

    Speaking from a nondescript bunker, with an impressively large bottle of his own urine, Colbert freaks out, bargains with the powers that be, and finally accepts this new post-apocalypse. Good thing he raided the break room for food before the end came.

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