John Oliver Explains How to Weasel Out of New Year’s Resolutions
2016 is officially underway, which means it’s time to check in on your New Year’s resolutions – or as John Oliver puts it, “the exact middle ground between lying to yourself, and lying to other people.”
“Last Week Tonight” posted a video during their winter hiatus to put your mind at ease about your imminent failure. “Let’s be honest – we’re a few days into the new year now, and if you haven’t broken your resolutions yet, statistically you are about to.”
The trick, he says, is not to blame yourself, but to revise your resolutions once you’ve failed. “The main problem with New Year’s resolutions is that we set our expectations way too high. For instance, lots of people say they want to exercise more – but that’s hard.”
Instead, we just need to lower our standards of what counts as exercise to anything that gets your heart rate up, like waking up late for work or taking a pregnancy test. Alternately, we could raise our expectations so impossibly high that we don’t feel bad when they don’t happen, such as resolving to throw out the first pitch at Yankee Stadium on July the 4th.
“Deep down,” he says, “we all know the key to a successful resolution is not hard work and dedication, it’s managing disappointment… and that’s it.”
I feel better already.