Phillie Phanatic Injures Spectator With Hot Dog to the Eye

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I’ve never trusted that purveyor of broken, hot baseball dreams; the Phillie Phanatic. While most mascots seem to have a respect for your personal space, not this baseball maven, no sir. He and his hot dog gun have been the stuff of baseball controversy, at least in the Firer apartment (what I call my spacious studio mansion) for nigh upon years! If you think, “Well, it’s all fun. He has a Hot Dog Gun! How bad could it be?” Buddy, it’s bad! When Phillie Phanatic recently shot a hot dog gun into the stands, one of the hot dogs hit baseball-goer Katie McVay in the eye, resulting in an injury.

What a violent hooligan!

Katie McVay is now suffering from a black eye because the Phillie Phanatic thought hot dog guns were funny. I, personally, don’t like guns, but that’s just me. Katie doesn’t plan to sue and said: “I have a small hematoma in my eye, and mostly, it’s going to get worse before it gets better. It’s going to go down the side of my face… It gives people a good laugh, and if that makes somebody chuckle, then that’s fine.”

Katie McVay underwent a cat scan because of the Phanatic’s so-called joke. I hope you’re laughing really hard, Phanatic. I hope you’re laughing real, real hard.

Guys. I know we’ve reported about a lot of inhumanities and monsters this week, but I’m just going to say it. The Phillie Phanatic might be this week’s biggest villain.

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