A third of all rejections on dating sites are passive: getting ghosted. It has happened to a quarter of adults in romantic relationships. 20-40% of people have ghosted someone, been ghosted, or both. This 2023 survey data indicates that people who have been ghosted attribute one of three causes to it. For the majority (59%), the other person ghosted them because of commitment issues or personality flaws. 37% blamed themselves, assuming they said or did something wrong, and another 37% blamed the dating app.
Key Takeaways:
- They wanted to interact casually and ghosted when the conversation got serious.
- They’d rather disappear than end things directly.
- They might have met someone they found more interesting.
- They were dishonest about their situation or intentions.
- They are too busy to reply.
Why Did You Get Ghosted?
The conversation seemed promising, but they suddenly disappeared, and it doesn’t look like they’re coming back. It’s rare for both sides to be equally serious about finding a relationship. They may have only wanted to interact casually and resorted to ghosting when the conversation started getting serious.
Some people struggle with intimacy or commitment, and they’d rather disappear than end things directly or have difficult conversations. This often leads to ghosting as an easy way out.
They might have met someone else they found more interesting and worth pursuing. Many people on dating apps talk to multiple users simultaneously, so someone else might have attracted their attention.
In some cases, the dater wasn’t fully honest about their situation or intentions from the start, and they didn’t want to explain themselves when it became more serious.
It’s also common for people to use dating apps during busy workdays. Replying in real-time might not be an option, and as work piles up, so do unread messages. This is particularly common for those who work from home, where they reply to messages in batches whenever they find the time.
What Ghosting Reveals About Modern Dating
Ghosting isn’t just about commitment issues or lack of interest. It also reveals how modern dating, especially through apps, fosters shallow connections. With many people juggling multiple conversations at once, there’s a detachment from deep emotional involvement. The ease of swiping to the next match encourages temporary, surface-level interactions that don’t always develop into meaningful relationships.
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Additionally, dating apps tend to give users a sense of instant gratification—notifications, messages, and likes mimic the dopamine rush of social media. When the excitement wanes, or when conversations begin to delve into deeper, more meaningful topics, people may ghost as a way to preserve their emotional detachment and continue their search for that initial spark elsewhere.
It’s important not to take ghosting personally. Someone disappearing mid-conversation does not necessarily mean they weren’t into you or the conversation. Often, it’s a reflection of their mindset or lifestyle rather than a judgment of your personality or worth.
It’s Not Your Fault
Don’t treat someone who disappears mid-conversation as disrespectful. It’s not the same as knowing someone in person who promises to call you and doesn’t. You don’t have a relationship with this person. They are just a username with a photo on a dating site. Unless you’ve met in person, they are essentially just words on a screen.
While it can still feel unpleasant to be on the receiving end of ghosting, remember that they didn’t know you well enough to reject you personally. Their decision to disappear is more about them than about you. Whether it’s due to different life goals, schedules, or personal issues, their choice to ghost was a response to their own circumstances, not something you did wrong.
How to Move Forward After Being Ghosted
Feeling bad after being ghosted is common, but it’s essential to remember that you’re not alone. Many people experience this frustration in the online dating world. You might have invested time and effort into getting to know someone and liked the idea of who they were. When that abruptly stops, it’s natural to feel confused or hurt.
To move on from a ghosting situation, drop them one last line. Politely ask if something happened or if they would like to call or meet in person. If they don’t reply, it’s time to move on. There’s no need to dwell on someone who wasn’t committed to building a connection.
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Another key step is to focus on the positive aspects of online dating. Every conversation, even if it ends prematurely, helps you learn more about yourself and what you’re looking for in a relationship. Rather than seeing ghosting as rejection, view it as a step towards finding someone more compatible.
Recap:
- The main reasons people ghost on dating sites are often due to casual interest, fear of intimacy, or being too busy to reply.
- It’s important not to take it personally because, in most cases, you never truly knew each other.
- Dropping them a final message can offer closure, but it’s essential to move on quickly and not dwell on it.
Conclusion
In the fast-paced world of online dating, ghosting has become a common yet frustrating part of the experience. While it’s easy to feel rejected when someone disappears mid-conversation, remember that their actions likely reflect their own situation or mindset rather than any fault of yours. Understanding the psychology behind ghosting—whether it’s commitment issues, casual interest, or juggling multiple conversations—helps to normalize the experience. By maintaining a healthy perspective, continuing to explore new connections, and not taking ghosting personally, you can remain confident in your search for a meaningful relationship. Ultimately, it’s not about avoiding ghosting but learning to navigate the modern dating landscape with resilience and self-assurance.
