Jacksonville Song Will Make You So Happy Not To Live In Jacksonville

The Cringe Capital of the U.S.A.!

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    First, a disclaimer. This video does not appear to have any official connection to the city of Jacksonville or its local government. It appears to be a fan-made video — if Florida's largest city can be said to have "fans" — with the purpose of building city pride based on their love of golf and Norman Rockwell paintings.

    Instead of attempting to put the details of this video into my usual eloquent paragraphs, I'm just going to list my favorite parts until I run out.

    -The series of scattered postcards that cover the singing residents for huge chunks.
    -The image of Jaguars owner and World Squirrely Mustache champion Shahid Khan that shows up around 1:15, signifying pride in a football franchise so pathetic that they can't even lose to the Tennessee Titans to ensure a top 3 draft pick.
    -Rhyming "summer fun" with "people who love to run," since no other American cities have half-marathons.
    -Seven bridges!
    -Smooth jazz solo on what-the-hell-instrument-is-that?
    -"It's Your's" — I don't care how little you care about proper spelling and grammar in texts/emails/etc. There's no way this doesn't drive you nuts.
    -Music and lyrics by Laurence Walden
    -The guy who shot this wants that sweet Super Bowl Doritos money.
    -The idea that the diversity in Jacksonville resembles Norman Rockwell's "Golden Rule."
    -Just the look of the whole thing. I mean, what the hell is going on here?!

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    I will have to plan a trip very soon to Jacksonville. Because I want to go to the zoo and the "Park District" and really, ya know, LIVE!

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