Today, April 18, Is Not The National Day Of Anything!!
Do you hear that? It’s the sound of nobody celebrating grilled cheese sandwiches. It’s the sound of Pomeranians not being held high above their owners heads for a reason to which they would be oblivious. It’s the sound of coffee…just being brewed and consumed.
There’s no celebrations today. It’s not the National Day of Goddamn Anything.
Seriously, it’s not on Wikipedia’s list of unofficial observances, it’s not any sort of special food day, and it’s not an awareness day. (Okay, sure, it’s part of National Volunteer Week, but there are 6 other days this week to volunteer! Today isn’t special!)
Today is one of the very few days in the Gregorian calendar where you will not ever have to look up from your computer because a co-worker says, “Oh, it’s National Ballpoint Pen Day.” You get those precious seconds back! Appreciate it!
Oh wait. Shit. I can’t make this seem like a commemoration of anything. Then I’d become what I hate! No – stop reading this post right now. This isn’t an article about a National Day of Anything. It’s not special. April 18 is just a normal day! Please act normal!
Oh no. Oh fuck. It can’t be.
Son of a bitch.