Folks, Have You Heard About This Big Cow?

I'm going to write about the big cow as if I was an 80's/90's late night host doing a monologue. Here we go.

I’m going to write about the big cow as if I was an 80’s/90’s late night host doing a monologue. Here we go.

Folks, have you heard about this, have you heard about this? Folks, there’s a big cow out there, a big cow. Big cow. Her name is Knickers. Knickers the big cow. Knickers is six foot four and weighs about 1.4 tons. Wow, and when I heard there was a big cow I thought hey, the president isn’t due in Australia for a while, right?

Big cow, folks. Big cow. The cow was raised by one Geoff Pearson who quote, “bought him as a ‘coach’—an animal that could take charge of the herd and show them the ropes of life on the farm”. Good luck Geoff, but I don’t know what the big cow can teach them outside of how to keep getting bigger.

The big cow is so big, when she sits around the house, she sits around the house and house gets absolutely filled with milk! The big cow is so big that when Tom Hanks asks her to dance on an FAO Schwarz piano, she says, “Well, the name of the movie does accurately describe my size!” The big cow is so big that if she was turned to hamburgers, the hamburgers would kick your ass!

I don’t want to say the cow is big, but well– take a look for yourself. Gawk at the freak! Gaze upon her! You paid your coins, now look upon the extremely fat cow. This bovine behemoth roams Australia, but she could come up here. Not by plane or train, but by the power of her mighty hooves.

The cow, my friends. She is big. Bigger than you. Bigger than me. The cow. She is big.

What do you think of the big cow? Let us know in the comments or on Twitter at @WhatsTrending.

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