Halsey, the 29-year-old singer, revealed this week that she experienced a miscarriage during a performance early in her career. The disclosure came during an appearance on the SHE MD Podcast with hosts Mary Alice Haney and Dr. Thais Aliabadi.
At the time of the miscarriage, Halsey was just 20 years old and had just started to gain recognition in the music industry. She recounted how she began miscarrying shortly before the start of a show, which put her in a difficult position. “I was in a really tough position because it was really early on in my career, and there was a lot attached to the show,” Halsey, who uses both they and she pronouns, told the hosts. “There was a corporate partner, there was a greater media entity partner, but more importantly than that to me, there were a thousand kids who waited all day long to get into this show and see me.”
In a bid to fulfill her commitment, Halsey decided to continue with the performance despite her condition. “I ended up just putting on an adult diaper and continuing with the show,” she said. The performance lasted about 45 minutes. Afterward, Halsey said she felt unwell and “threw up in the parking lot” before heading to a hotel. “I was sick all night,” she added. “I remember sitting in the bathtub because I just didn’t know what to do with all the blood. Forgive me for being so graphic.” The following morning, she flew out to Canada.
Beyond the physical challenges, Halsey also grappled with emotional and psychological difficulties. “I remember thinking to myself, ‘I’m 20 years old. I should be able to carry a baby,'” she said. She acknowledged having mixed feelings about the situation, including relief, confusion, guilt, and grief. “I didn’t want to be pregnant. I was way involved in my career,” she explained. “And then at the same time, I had a big burning question in my mind, which is, ‘Something must be wrong with me, because of all the times in my life where I should be able to conceive and carry to term, this is the age. What’s happening?’”
In a 2022 essay for Vogue, Halsey revealed that she had miscarried three times before the age of 24. She had given birth to a son the previous year and shared her experiences in response to the Supreme Court’s reversal of Roe v. Wade. Halsey mentioned that she had undergone an abortion during a miscarriage. “My abortion saved my life and gave way for my son to have his,” she wrote.
Over the years, Halsey has been candid about her struggles with various health issues, including endometriosis, lupus, T-cell disorder, and infertility. These experiences have influenced her perspective on motherhood.
“I want more babies really badly,” Halsey said on the podcast. She described her pregnancy with her son as a “pleasant experience” and expressed deep love for him. However, she also reflected on the guilt she felt about her health affecting her ability to be the best mother she could be. “I think about how I’m living as a sick person for a majority of his life,” she said. “It was two-thirds, three-quarters of it, and I had a lot of guilt. And I just remember laying there and just feeling so bad about myself, and then I realized that that unnecessary guilt was making me worse. And the thing I told myself is… I was grieving the fact that I couldn’t be the best mom in the world because I wanted to be the best mom in the world and history.”
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Halsey’s openness about her personal struggles continues to shed light on the complexities of her journey and her resilience in the face of adversity.
