Well, I mean, 2017 wouldn’t be complete without a news story about the death of Santa Claus, right? Archeologists in Turkey have recently discovered the remains of St. Nicholas’ church, and inside, in a tomb that seems unharmed — the remains of the man believed to have been St. Nicholas, or Santa Claus. It has been found in Turkey’s Antalya province. It is also the corpse of the real life Santa Claus. Ho ho ho!
Ho ho ho! Santa Claus originally passed away in 343 A.D., and there are those who claim that his remains are in fact buried in Basclica di San Nicola in Mari, Italy, but Turkish archeologists are claiming that these remains are in fact those of an unindetified priest, and not in fact the ancient long dead bones of that bringer of gifts, that jolly force of love and affection, that pure being of magic, jingle bells and merriment, Santa Claus. No no, you see, Santa’s corpse has been found in Turkey.
I hope that clears things up.
Now granted, the mythological Santa Claus we all love was attached to the identity of this Saint by Dutch immigrants to the United States in the 16th century, and what’s more — the red suited, jolly bellied being we all know and love today was invented by Coca Cola. Still. Some facts are undeniable. The year is 2017. Hurricanes ravage the nation. And here is the dead body of Santa Claus. It is in Turkey.
Oh well, better than the time he turned out to be a weird liar.
What do you think of the discovery of Santa’s corpse? Let us know in the comments or on Twitter at @WhatsTrending.